When life gets you down

I haven’t been on here for a few months. I have had a really hard time, after three years of being bullied in school emotionally, things got really, really bad. I was seriously teased about my riding, this blog became a focus for some children to push me right over the edge. The emotional effect of the bullying played out in my riding, I had a few big falls and the effect of the emotional bullying meant I lost faith in my ability and not only have I been left with no self-worth, but I have also been left with no confidence to move forward in any way.

Just getting out of bed to face the day has been a really hard challenge, I didn’t want to talk to anyone and of course then trying to put further effort into a sport that was a major part of the bullying became an impossible task.

The whole last three months finally came to a head when I was sat trying to eat my lunch at school, the children who have spent so long taunting me were as usual stealing the food from my lunch box, throwing a ball at my face every time I took a bite of my sandwich and then in between that constantly throwing the ball at my back. I have for three years not fought back, not react, just let them be themselves and I have tried to ignore and get on with my thing. This one day, I just had enough, I stood up and I picked their ball up and I threw it, not hard but I just threw it. It bumped one of those boys on the head and he went completely nuts, he locked my head tight and just used me as a punching bag for as long as he could hold me for. I didn’t punch him back not just because I couldn’t but I just wouldn’t. It is just not my thing – violence. Throwing a ball at someone was a big deal for me and that small act told me it was time for things to change.

Mum picked me up from school and we went to the hospital to be checked I was very badly bruised and very sore. My biggest concern now was I didn’t want to stay in that school. The school suspended that boy for one day but then said I should also be punished because I threw the ball. Mum was great she refused to accept the school’s actions and removed me from school after a very long discussion with the schools Principal who refused to change his thoughts. That one moment when Mum said “Collect your things, we are going home” was literally life-changing. I felt three years stress lift off my shoulders, I felt in that moment that I could stand tall again and I breathed deeply and without fear for the first time in a long time.

I have moved school now and feel more confident, I have laughed again for the first time in months and I am really enjoying being in school and relaxing into lessons not scared of what will be said or done to me.

This new happiness has reflected in my riding, I am now back on B and really enjoying riding again. Life is good and I am back online.